Venting: TIMTOWTI as a "people skill"
I need to vent...
I'm a geek and my people skills aren't really where I'd like them to be. Even so, there's some basics that I've learned the hard way over the years that I wanted to share. Found myself today on the verge of imposing these thoughts on others from the TRWISMW frame of mind because somebody else was in that mode with me.
TIMTOWTDI: There's More Than One Way to Do It. The kind of pragmatism I've come to deeply respect about Perl. I've actually found that most of the best IT folks actually embrace and embody this. It just lets you work.
BYWITWW: But Your Way Is The Wrong Way. There's some folks though that always seem to have to be right, to have to win or thinking their showing leadership by having to “group discover” and prove correctness this whilst tearing down others ideas and works. I can tolerate the first, understand the second but the third behavior needs to be saved teaching or coaching, not leading or managing. Whenever I see a Holy War about a language, platform, technology or even something really important -- like how to brew beer -- I have to wonder if both sides aren't guilty of this.
So what do you do with a BYWITWWer? Well, those folks who can't be wrong are easiest to deal with. Let them be right, at least in their own minds. The rest of us know the score. The folks that have to “win“ really just need to go Seven Habits training (or need a reinforcement about “Emotional Bank Accounts“) to “get it“ and move on. The last group, its just best to let them go until their done with doing what they feel they must do. Then you can have a more reasonable conversation with them.
TRWISMW: The Right Way Is My Way. When people -- particularly people in leadership roles -- go into this mode, they've totally lost me.In a sense, this is an extreme form of the last type of BYWITWW. People who get into this mode seem to have a death grip on their idea so badly that they have to wield like a rod to smite down those who disagree with them about the topic. Its ugly, its wasteful and its completely counter-productive.
So what do you when somebody goes into TRWISMW mode? Concede. Acknowledge their obviously superior point start planning your exit strategy. There's nothing more to be gained from the exchange for either party.
What do you think? How do you deal with the BYWITWWs and TRWISMWers? After all... TIMTOWTDI